Should You Ask Your Spouses "Permission" Before Getting a Big Chop?!

[NaturalSunshine.com]

Many naturals here on NatSun have shared the ups and downs they have had in their relationships as a result of going natural. We have at times asked questions like; Would you perm your hair because your man wanted you to? We've had posts in which we shouted out the men in our lives who support our decision to be natural.  We have even talked about men who simply don't get it. We've covered it all.

But one question that hasn't been answered conclusively is this, "Should you ask your spouses permission before getting your big chop?"

We know many of you are already boiling on the insides over the idea that you would need to ask anyone's permission (especially a man) before deciding to cut your hair, but we think there is more to take into consideration.

Yes, it’s your hair and you can do whatever you want, but when you are in a marriage or dealing with your life partner, your decisions are no longer yours alone. Making a choice to change your hair style so drastically may or may not matter to your partner, but give them the respect of discussing it with them before you make any changes. I recommend starting the dialogue as soon as you begin thinking about wearing your natural hair texture. Allow them the same amount of time as you to come to terms with the decision.**

So we want to know, should you ask your spouses permission before cutting all of your hair off or transitioning to natural? If yes, why? If no, why not? Also, if you are married or involved in a serious relationship how did you prepare your partner for your natural hair journey?

If you are currently in this situation and are looking for ways to get your man on board for your natural hair journey, this article gives you a step by step plan to talk to your partner about natural hair and hopefully get him to understand what you are doing.

**The above quoted block came from How To Get Your Man on Board For Your Natural Hair Journey

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[Sherika]

Not ask permission but inform and possibly ask what his thoughts were..

[Sunshine Abuwi]

I don't know. Maybe asking permission is a bit much, especially because he is not your father, but I do think you should seek his approval. Why? Because he is your man and you do want to include him on decisions you make especially drastic ones like cutting all of your hair off.

 I know someone who wants to go natural but knows her man would not like it if she cut all her hair off so she is figuring out a way to transition. In essence I guess she knows she wouldn't have his permission, so she isn't doing it.

Maybe we should swap the word permission with approval!

[Melshary]

How about we use the term partner? Because I sure done have a man in my life I have a woman in my life. When questions are put like this I feel left out in my own community. I'm a naural hair lesbian and no I dont think you need to run it past anyone in regards to what you do with your hair.

[Mey]

@Melshary thank you for pointing that out. I would have never appreciated how referencing "your man/our man" may exclude certain lovely ladies in our community!

Also, permission may be a strong word....but it got me reading (lol)

I don't feel that you should get permission or approval, we should receive acceptance from our partners. I do feel that this choice is a discussion to be had with your partner. They are with us for many reasons but also b/c of physical attraction. Therefore if we choose to change physically we owe them at least a talk and understanding of their feelings or desires.

Personally, I spoke with my husband, showed him pictures and told him what my goals were way before I cut any hair off. I chose to long-term transition (that ended after 10 months) so he saw my process. Once I cut my hair, he wasn't my biggest fan....he was not feeling my short 'fro....but b/c he knew what my goal was (long hair-bra strap length in 5 years) he didn't really pay any attention.....as long as I did my hair when we were going out....he was cool. Now he can't stop touching it and telling me what styles I should try or what he would want to see,

 

If he didn't accept my choice to go natural, I still woulda done it....but my styling choices may have been more geared for a straight look majority of the time to please him.

[Melshary]

@Mey Thank You.. :)

[K Martin]

I think so. I've been natural for years and have been letting my hair grow out for two years. I HATE IT and would love to big chop again because I look great with a caesar cut. Just last week my hubby said no to the bc again as he wants to see me with a BAA. Since I want to maintain his attraction, approval, visual interest, etc. his opinion definitely matters.

[Bettie M Roberson]

Well as for me. I am married. But I told him, Not ask him, I`m getting my hair cut. Reason why. My hair came out down the middle and around the sides.  And I got tired of wearing wigs..lol...Because I sweat a lot.  And If i`m going natural i wanted to be comfortable....

[Sherika]

spouse partner whatever your "situation" is. 

[Sherika]

I am speaking on my situation and not assuming anyone elses. I do not know you and am not here to defend what I said. Thanks and have a good day. There are other people that are saying him..They are obviously talking about their partners and not assuming that everyone is with a man. my goodness. 

[Anastasia Alston]

While spousal opinion matters, asking permission to do anything with my hair is out of the question. I'll ask what he thinks of certain ideas but in the end it's MY hair I'm an adult. I would no more ask my husband for his permission than ask what I should eat for dinner. If my husband loves me what I look like, especially something so superficial as hair, is of no real importance. It's hair & he'll get over his issues with whatever I do with it. And in the end he'll like it because it's me, I've done it & I've chosen to share myself  with him. ;) <3 <3 <3