How To Get Your Man on Board For Your Natural Hair Journey

[Sunshine Abuwi]

 

I have been lucky enough to have a husband who not only encouraged my natural hair acceptance, but loves natural hair on all women in general. He has been one of my biggest supporters and has made the transition to natural hair easier and more fun! He likes to rub my hair and he compliments me all the time. I can honestly say that his approval meant a lot to me, so I know it is no easy feat when your husband/significant other dislikes or disapproves of your natural hair decision. 

But what can you do? What are ways to help soften the blow to your husband/significant other or at least come to some sort of common ground where both parties can be happy? {These can be used on your parents and friends as well!}

1. Discuss your desire to wear your natural hair texture with your partner prior to making any major decisions.
Yes, it’s your hair and you can do whatever you want, but when you are in a marriage or dealing with your life partner, your decisions are no longer yours alone. Making a choice to change your hair style so drastically may or may not matter to your partner, but give them the respect of discussing it with them before you make any changes. I recommend starting the dialogue as soon as you begin thinking about wearing your natural hair texture. Allow them the same amount of time as you to come to terms with the decision.

Talking with your partner about your decision from the beginning may enlighten you to their views which you may not have been aware of. Through communicating from the beginning you will know how necessary other steps may be. You can also find out what their fears are as it relates to your new hair journey. If you know what bothers them you can do the research and learn ways to avoid the slips and trips which concern your partner most.

2. Share information on natural hair with your partner.

Many women will look through blogs and photo albums to find natural hair inspiration, why not share what you find with your partner. This will allow him to feel included in your process and also it will give you an opportunity to learn what styles your partner may prefer and what styles they may hate. Keep in mind your partner will know less than you about natural hair and no one likes to go into unknown territory. The more familiar with natural hair styles and terminology your partner becomes the more likely they are to accept your decision.

A great site to take your partner to is http://lecoil.tumbler.com . This site shows people wearing some of the most beautiful natural styles in all situations. It is a great way to show your partner the diversity of natural hair and help them see the versatility of natural hair. NaturalSunshine.com is also a great resource!

3. Respect your partner’s opinions.
You may have already made up your mind to wear you natural hair texture no matter what, but always be respectful of what your partner says and feels. Be willing to compromise if necessary. Perhaps your partner has no problem with the texture change but is really uncomfortable with the loss in length… Come to a compromise where the both of you can be happy. In that case, perhaps you can agree to transition for a while instead of doing a drastic big chop.
Maybe your partner really hates afros on women… in that case you can compromise to never wear an afro when the two of you are going somewhere special, but agree that you can wear it when you are on your own.
Showing your partner that you respect their wishes will make your natural journey easier on the relationship and easier on you.

 

 

If your partner is 100% against you going natural:
1. Try sharing with them why it is important to you and share your reasons for wanting to do so in the first place. Perhaps if they knew your reasons they would be able to understand and soften their position.

2. Share with your partner the financial benefits that come with being natural. We all know how expensive keeping up with weaves or weekly salon appointments can be; perhaps knowing how much money you two can save will be an incentive for him.

3. Explain the history behind African women straightening their hair. Educate your partner on the deep rooted issues related to the topic in a way that will possibly show them how they too could be victim of the brainwashing which affects many women. Men are just as lost when it comes to this issue as we are. The same baggage and ignorance we have about natural hair has affected them too. They also need to relearn what is beautiful aside from the “traditional” views.

4. Give your partner time to digest the information. Don’t tell them Monday you are Big chopping on Saturday and expect them to get their minds right in that short time. If at first your partner is against your decision, follow the above steps a few more times (over a period of time, not all in one night!).

 

If your partner is still against it… Then the two of you have some serious decisions to make. That is when you have to ask yourself if wearing your natural texture is a deal breaker. Are you willing to relax your hair for the rest of your life to make this person happy? Are you set so strongly in your decision that you are willing to walk away from the relationship in order to be happily nappy? Will your partner walk away if you go through with it, against their wishes?

What do you think about this? What has your experience with your partner been? Do you think boyfriends opinions matter as much; or do you only care if it is a life partner like a married spouse? Would you be willing to relax your hair for the rest of your life to make your partner happy? What do you think about a man willing to walk away over hair?

Sunshine

[Alexis Hall]

 My bf was concerned about me going natural but it isn't near a deal breaker in our relationship. Even though he never just told me  point blank that he doesn't want me to go natural. I know it's kind of "worrying" him. I think he's just worried because he hasn't really seen any natural women before. So showing him pictures is a great idea! I just checked out lecoil and I'm sure he'll love the natural hairstyles.

 

Thank you!

[Bianca]

No offense to BFs out there, but I personally wouldn't make the sacrifice of relaxing my hair just b/c he wanted me to. Not that I think u shud disrespect ur bf but he still has a lot to prove in terms of long-term commitment to the relationship. I can understand if it is your husband tho since the two of you have made the decision to share your lives. I think showing different styles to your partner is a great idea. Everytime I tell my bf I'm getting a new style his reaction is 'uh-oh, what now?" It isn't until he actually sees the style that his nerves are calmed :-)

[Janai]

I knew how my husband felt about me being natural before we got married. and I would 't have married him if he was opposed to it.  If I dyed my hair green, Im sure my husband would hate it, but he would still love me.  And we'd still be married. Hair doesnt matter. There are so many bigger issues a married couple will face.  If hair is a reason for a man not to be with you then how will he handle your body changing during and after pregnancy, or you becoming sick or even losing a job?? A man who gives an ultimatum over hair is immature and not mentally developed enough to be a boyfriend or husband.

[Younique Curlz {Cheneri}]

I don't have a boyfriend or am I anywhere near being married anytime soon, but this is something to think about in the long run if I ever have to go through this. My question is, if this is the person that God Himself has placed on this earth for you to be with why would we let something as simple as hair get in the way of the bond that God took the time out to put together for us. Then when you look at it if God put you to together then you wouldn't have to worry about having to even think about if your hair being natural or relaxed would become a deal breaker in your realtionship.

[Nikki Smith]

As far as I am concerned, if me wearing my hair the way it grows out of my scalp or any other way I choose to wear it for that matter is a deal breaker for a man, than he can kick rocks because he is obviously not the man for me.

[Tiga elga]

I have been natural for quite a time bt when I met him I was wearing a wig. It is actually quite funny. Before coming to America I wouldn't wear a wig or a weave because it has a bad press here in France, and there are done in such a way that arghh, but when I came to america I saw nice wigs and tried some on and I saw I could change my hairstyle without applying heat. If I wanted short hair, or long hair I could switch up easily and still wear my hair natural whenever. True versatility indeed.

So fast forward to the day I met him, I had a wig on and well all the girls I knew had weaves or wigs or relaxed hair and so on so I was like what should I do? The girls I talked to were like you sure you want to show him that??? talking of my hair so I was like huh well I don't know in france I never had a problem with my hair and there were like this is America sweetie you better get your hair did asap or wear a wig or a weave. No man will want you with that nappy thing. naha.

Since I already had a bad hair experience the first time ( the full story here http://bglhonline.com/2010/11/nfatw-tiga-in-france/) so I was like the wig is a safer choice then. I remember the first night I kept the wig on loool insane right. So one day we were talking and he was like I have a question why you keep that wig on to sleep that s***t crwaled on me at night you don't have hair? awwwwkwarddddd really I wanted to hide somewhere he was like: you didn't think I would notice it was a wig? I have a sister and a mum and my best friend is a hairstylist''
I told him yes I have hair but its not relaxed like all the girls around here ( at that time I was probably the only natural he met) but he was like : Are you kidding me my parents were black panthers, you better pop that fro asap. lool So I did he was like :girl you crazy all that hair is yours wtf???? And I was like wtf too. Now he sees me with my Celie braids on like he calls them make fun of them but who not trade them.

So I was worried for nothing. Hair shouldn't be a deal breaker.

[Koya N]

My husband supported me...& initially was trying to influence me to just do it!!!

I love that man :)

[Lori-Ann Matthews]

I'm in an interracial relationship with a white man. We've been together going on three years and I know he doesn't like my natural hair. When we had met I was still wearing braided extensions so he never saw my natural hair.

I should clarify that although my bf is white, he has lived in a predominantly black community his entire life and had dated mostly black women, so he is not ignorant of the significance of hair to us as black women. What I struggle to make him understand at times, is the significance of begin natural to myself. Whether he is just being stubborn or simply has his preferences I don't know. All I know is that I like my hair as it is, and I don't see why I should argue about what's growing out of MY SCALP!!  I've told him that the topic of relaxers is not up for discussion. But as Sunshine has suggested, we've reached somewhat of an agreement although we never actually sat down as discussed it. Whenever I'm with him, I try to wear my hair in a bun or up-do of some kind. He's not really feelin the afro being all out in all it's glory, even though I love doing that. Otherwise, I do go back to my braids every couple months which isn't all bad as it's gives me a needed break from all the twisting etc.

So far this approach seems to be working. If anything it has helped me come up with idea for protective styles lol!  In the mean while, I'll continue to try and educate him about why I've made this decision. I think it may be working though!  He did make some comment the other day about understanding why I took so much extra care of my hair and wanting it to be healthy or something of that nature. Baby steps I suppose.

I love him and as Tiga says hair shouldn't be a deal breaker. I suppose in all relationships some concessions have to be made and maybe it just takes time for a man to accept certain changes,

[Cassie]

I believe a boyfriend opinions matters as much ONLY IF you were planning to spend the rest of your life with him. A BOYFRIEND is EXPENDABLE but a HUSBAND is a LIFETIME PARTNER. So it really just depends on the relationship a person has with their boyfriend, to say if their opinion mattered as much as a husband. .

 If a man is willing to walk away over HAIR. That shows a lot about him as a person. That just makes me wonder. "If I gain weight, will he leave me?"  "If I was in a accident that disfigured me, would he leave me?" Hair shouldn't make or break a MARRIAGE. Leaving someone over hair shows how SIMPLE MINDED a person can be. Especially if this person is your husband or wife. Marriage is til DEATH DO US PART not until YOU STOP RELAXING YOUR HAIR.

My partner is the person who pushed me to stop relaxing my hair. I told him I wanted do stop getting relaxers; he told me if that's what I wanted, I should do it. He was comfortable with the KINKY but is not as comfortable with the SHORT HAIR.

 

[KenyaD'Natural]

I've been married for almost 12 years, and my husband could care less about what I do with my hair as long as it is NOT a kool-aid color! LOL! No offense to those with red locs (because some of you have beautiful red hair). When we met I had a tapered hair cut, and it was chestnut blonde. He can accept light brown to medium blonde colors, but no reds. He doesn't care if my hair is short or long. He once told me that he preferred my hair short because that was how it was when he met me. I love the fact that he is accepting of my hair in it's natural state. He loves ME, not me for my hair. He's so adjusted to the new and natural me, that he now points out other naturals (like a few that we saw at church on Sunday). I love it!