What you may think is so bad and obvious to others may be the last thing someone notices. 

When you look in the mirror what does the reflection tell you? I'm sure many of you have encountered a person who highlighted their own imperfection that otherwise would have gone unnoticed. I promise you I believed, and sometimes still believe, that I had a big forehead. A childhood friend told me I had a big forehead. That day a new insecurity was birthed. Having a "big forehead" became an insecurity that stayed with me from adolescence to my mid 20s. During that time span I never let my forehead see the light of day. It dictated the hairstyles I thought I could and could not wear. Every woman that has ever approached me and complimented my natural hair always told me about an insecurity that prevented them from going natural.

What we believe about our appearance become our truth and becomes apparent to those around us. I remember the first time I saw the comedian/actress Monique. She was on a comedy show and she had on a mini skirt. I remember thinking, "She's cute". As I listened to her comedy I realized she knew she was cute too. I was able to sense that as soon as I turned to the program she was on.

Some things we can't change so instead we should try to see it in a new light. When I decided to let my forehead come out in public I gave myself a little peptalk. I said, "Maybe I do have a big forehead. But its a pretty big forehead". I'm sure people have told Monique she needs to lose weight. I can only imagine her saying "I'm still fine with or without this weight", and then tilt her head back, open her mouth wide and laugh like she always do lol.

The next time you look in the mirror and one of your insecurities rears its ugly head look yourself in the eyes and say "Well, its a pretty (fill in the blank)".

Please check out an interview Monique did with Al Sharpton on confidence. "My father was absolutely brilliant in his…

We are advised not to covet our neighbor, but most people want something that  belongs to their neighbor.  But, what if we lived in a world where brown skin, tightly curly hair and curves up front and behind were accepted in the thousands of images bombarded to us in media, magazines, websites, and visual ads.

• Would we be concerned about our natural hair shrinking? Or would the topic be about straight hair wilting?

• A straight-haired women's quest for volume and the perfect curl would be the equivalent of straightening and texturizing methods we've used until the present.

• There would be no lace-front Malaysian/Indian hair loving Black Hollywood; or a need for  reactive collectivism to help others navigate in a business that doesn't appeal to them.
• Black features would be embraced on black women, unlike the J. Lo butt or Angelina lips.

I'm sure this warped fantasy can be visualized much easier with Black Americans and possibly British women of color, who live in a countries where they are minorities. You are forgotten, yet overly conscious at the same time.

This explains few black Oscar winners, yet a mindfulness of straightening, thinning, nipping, and tucking African features.  I hear many speak of "victim mentalities," but few speak of the injustices that led to people believing that beauty, value, and success is embedded in our DNA. 

I posted the 90's show, In Living Color,  segment below.  It is meant for comedy and addresses issues such as…

Hey ladies! I just want to make this real quick. I wanna know if any of you are experiencing the same thing. So back when I used to get relaxers I would get chemical burns almost EVERY time. And in the same areas, on the sides of my head and in the back. Today, almost 3 years later, I have small sections of dry, flakey, crusty areas on my scalp. There aren't many, I would say about 3/ 4 areas. But they occur in the same areas where I would get burned by the relaxer. And also in those areas my scalp is really tender. Like if I pull at a small group of strands my scalp feels really sore for no reason. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this? Or do you guys think this problem comes from years of relaxing.

Feedback please!

I dont know if anyone else has noticed, but Poetic Justice braids aka "dookie braids" are making a SERIOUS comeback. I dont know whether to attribute the revival of its popularity to celebrities like Solange who have been spotted wearing them or if its a result of NHAM gaining popularity and braids are considered a trendy transitional style. At first glance, these braids are like box braids (actually thats what they are, but when most people think of box braids they think of slimmer individual braids), but after paying attention, you realize that Poetic Justice braids take it to another level (at least in my opinion lol). I can't put my finger on it, they're just so....unique.....fly..... and.....gorgeous. I don't know if its their thickness or the length, but, I just love them. Im not alone either. Lately alot of women on Youtube have been showing off their love for Poet Justice braids. So what do think? Are they as big a trangression as "Celie plaits", a style that's "okay" but better left in the past or are they a style YOU can definitely see making a comeback with the women of today?

So this is a more broad topic than my usual ones but I would like to see if other naturals feel the same.

Do you ever get jelous of the ease that women with non afro textured hair have? It's so annoying! I mean, I can't lay my head down nowhere without leaving an oil stain behind and other races of women can lay on just about anything no problem. I can't get my hair wet without it reverting back to a shrunken afro like magic but other women can run through the rain and their hair dries quickly and looks prettier most the time after. I can't just throw my hair in a bun when I wake up like other women. I have to untwist it, then re-flat twist it, or try to figure out how to make it look half way decent to walk out the house. I can't do anything on a saturday because thats my wash day and it takes most of the day and God forbid when I get a husband and he wants me to be 'bed-time sexy'. Unless he wants to wake up in a pool of oil, grease and snagged hair, sorry! I'll have to wear those annoying scarfs..smh. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my natural hair and will (most likely) never perm it again. I'm glad he gave us the most interesting and unique hair but man, it sure is hard to maintain. Sometime I just look at the ease that other races have with their hair and get pretty annoyed. Oh well, still love my hair though. 

leave response about how you deal with the challenges of day-to-day natural hair

When I transitioned, I had great expectations of how my natural hair journey would appear after spending many hours online. I collected a list of products, tools, accessories, and methods to acquire before I big chopped.  When my big chop arrived unexpectingly, I had to "make do" with what I had. I realize that the Youtube videos promoting "staples" and "must-haves" were just unique opinions of women.  Most didn't directly fit my situation or resources.

The famed "twist out" didn't work for me, then.  But, the feared TWA was a stress-free blessing!  I've taken tips from many regimens of others. Some worked; some didn't. I decided to let my hair regimen  develop organically along with what I learned online.

I'm A Little Different 

• Shea Butter isn't my staple product for styles; neither is a wide tooth comb nor tangle teaser.
• My twist outs are done with water + conditioner + oil, and not a twisting cream or butter.
• My Eco-Styler gel is collecting dust, and nearly 1-year old.
• I smooth my edges with my hands, whipped butter, and conditioner---NOT A BRUSH, and rarely a gel.
• I have yet to adopt a "famed guru's" butter or conditioner as a holy grail product.  I know for sure; there isn't one holy grail product, and most products are replaceable.

Everything I THOUGHT I needed as a natural, I don't need.

• Denman Brush
• Tangle Teaser
• Eco-Styler Gel
• Butters around the world
• Beanie
• Big earrings
• Every…