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My White Picket Fence

This is an excerpt of my journaling process to living my truth. Although not specifically natural hair related, this realization led me on a path of rediscovering my true identity.... Please read my journey below.

As all young girls do, I dreamed of having a colonial house with a white picket fence, two kids a boy and a girl. A beautiful bad to the bone, coca cola bottled shaped, educated woman that would make so much money there wouldn’t be a bank large enough to hold it. As for my man, well you already know he would be so fine that people would stop and stare when he passed. Vacationing in the Hamptons, cars, clothes, so full of life and love and there would be absolutely nothing in this world that would stop us. When his eyes locked on mine baby the fireworks would go off in my head a love song would play and that would be all she wrote- that was my white picket fence.

It started with one bedroom with a pass through that may have been a bedroom, but didn’t even have a door and not a fence in sight. One boy walking and another in tow couldn’t make a girl if I tried. My coca cola shape was more like a can, minimum wage job and no college degree. He was fine though and they stop and stared when he walked, guess the problem was he stared back. It went something like paycheck to paycheck, fussing and arguing, living and laughing, but struggling and secretly hating one another because this did not look like the same white picket fence.

Our lives became full of work and priorities shifted from being together to getting out of this hole. Children activities, college, working full-time, church 24/7 became my whole world. Working over 100 hours a week, money and attempting to become a man and provide for his family became his whole world and there it was…. we drifted.

He’d come home to 4 off the chain half raised boys, a lonely and pissed off wife, we were both overwhelmed, but we were just trying to make a better life for them and that meant sacrifice and that’s just what we did. Regardless of how we tried to move forward, there was one set back and then another and we were further and further away from that fence.

Life and circumstances, love and hurt, betrayal and loyalty went on for years and we were just living. I heard things like anoint your door faces with oil, clothes and pray like nobody’s business, travail in the spirit, speak it into existence, speak life into your man, cook, clean up, iron his clothes, be submissive and it still ended.

What happened? What could have possibly gone wrong? I asked myself that every day for the 19 months that we lived under one roof as roommates. I’d been so afraid to show that my fence wasn’t white and my home wasn’t happy that I even convinced myself that it was good. Granny always said regardless of what you have, wash it and iron it good, wash your face and hold your head up high. The most valuable and most deadly piece of advice I ever received. We were both good at putting on the mask, but secretly I was afraid to have anyone over because my shameful truth would be exposed. As I look back at this I can’t do anything but smile because I really thought I didn’t like to entertain at my home until this very moment.

Although, I’ve been preparing for this new life long before this moment, there are still new challenges for me daily. For a person like me who likes to be prepared and always aware of what comes next, I find that I need to learn to live in the moment more, which is uncomfortable but I’m trying.

In wake of sharing my truth, the overwhelming feeling of hurting souls surrounding you is unbelievably consuming, it forced me to take a step back and reflect. Last night my weight was so heavy that I couldn’t figure out how to move forward. This morning, I woke with a sense of peace and I immediately realized what was missing…. my cup needed to be filled. I won’t get all preachy, but there are times where you give so much of yourself that you forget that YOU need to recharge. (Especially for people pleasers). Recharging your cup for some means quiet time and relaxation, and for others hanging out in the streets, some cry and some just engage in meaningless activity to help release the pressure of it all. As for me, I reconnect with my faith and fill my cup with encouraging stories, songs, sermons, quotes and scriptures and for today that’s what I’ll do.

Although my white picket fence looked quite different from the way I imagined, it’s never too late to start over and create a new dream. If you are reading this and looking to identify, I would like to encourage you to take inventory of your cup- is it time for a refill. If so, refill baby… healing takes work and we got work to do!

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Comments: 15

Hi!

My name is Sunshine Abuwi and

I'm a natural hair, beauty blogger AND a news junky!

Now, don't get me wrong, I know when you think "natural hair beauty blogger/vlogger" you don't think about the Republican National Convention or #BlackLivesMatter. I know that, but, if I am not my hair, if we are are not our hair, then surely, a natural hair beauty blogger/vlogger can care about and talk about the things that she actually is.

In other words, I know you are concerned about way  more than just your hair. You're a multi-faceted person with various interests and concerns. Me too! So let's get into it... But before we forever dive into my news addiction on NaturalSunshine.ning.com here are

4 things you should know about Sunshine Abuwi and the news...

1. My news dealer of choice is CNN.

2. I can watch CNN ALL DAY!

3. I don't. (But I could.)

4. I'm not yet able to articulate why, but Carol Costello is my least favorite anchor. I would prefer not to watch her segment, but she comes on during the only time I can watch the news uninterrupted. Boo!

Today, however, I am glad I watched her because Dr. Cornel West was featured. I LOVE how he brought todays news back to the place that matters. To me at least.

So, What's Happening in the News Today?

In Roanoke, VA yesterday, two journalists, Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot and killed by a disgruntled ex-employee of their news station. The killings happened live on television as  Alison was covering a story and Adam was filming. The killer, then went on to Twitter and Facebook to share his footage of the murders and to promote what he had done. He ultimately took his own life, but left behind a 23 page, suicide note explaining himself, which he sent to ABC.

Needless to say, the nation is in mourning over the two, young, lives lost. I am personally saddened and my condolences go out to the family of the two killed, to the surviving victim and to the family of the killer. In these next few days, especially, they are in need of our prayers. I hope you will join me in offering those up!

CNN has been talking about the killings almost non-stop today.

{side note: and of course CNN had their boy Trump call in and give his two cents on #gunviolence. SMH @CNN}

A few threads have arisen out of this story one of them being #gunviolence and #guncontrol in America. CNN anchors, Carol Costello and Chris Cuomo have been asking guests all morning, about this very thing.

Here is what is being said.

Alison Parker's father is committing the rest of his life to making sure no other "crazy person" is able to kill anyone else "with a gun".

Roanoke, Virginia's mayor, David Bowers said the answer to #gunviolence is "more prayer". To which Carol responded, something like, I am a strong believer in God and in prayer too, but that is not going to change the #gunviolence issue in America. To Ms. Costello I say, Clearly you are NOT a strong believer in "God and prayer". Your statement is proof!

Dr. Cornel West, activist and philosopher, spoke truth and gave me clarity  and peace about yesterdays horrific killings.

When asked about the mental state of the killer, Dr. West said, he didn't think the killer, Bryce Williams was mentally ill.  He said it was "easy" to label Williams as such. Dr. West believes Williams, was angry and he "snapped". He said, here in American culture we do not "give or get enough love and we do not give or get enough justice." He said, the killings yesterday are not an isolated incident and the killings says something about us as a nation.

When asked what we needed to do about #gunviolence, Dr. West responded; The "fundamental question is where is empathy? Where is integrity? ...We're in a spiritual crisis. There is a lack of justice and love. Justice is what love looks like in public. We need to cultivate a culture of integrity that will enable us to settle grievances without killing each other."

How Dr. Cornel West brought it Home for Me...

One of the battles, people of faith have to endure, is the constant fight for our attention. The world tells us to trust what we see. It tells us that all there is, is this world. What we can see and touch. It tries to get us to focus all of our efforts, hope and faith on what's "real". Preachers too, challenge their members to focus on and change their "real" behaviors. The spotlight is shone on sinful acts. 

While enduring this battle, believers have to trust the holy spirit to help us not focus on the world we see.  We must exercise the ability to see through the physical, into the spiritual, which is always the root of all problems and always the root of all solutions. 

Dr. Cornel West. as well as David Bowers, reminds us all that when we see these killings and we ask ourselves what we can do. The answers will not sprout from more #guncontrol. The answers will come out of a collective heart that wants to understand another persons experience. It will come from understanding the root of what ails us, our need for unconditional love. 

If we look within we will find all that we need.

Do you have any thoughts on this? What's your news dealer?

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Step One: Understand the Challenge

 The journey to becoming a Successful Business Mom begins with understanding how relentless and tenacious we must be in order to overcome our seemingly, overwhelming opposition. Just like the Marines, the title “Successful, Business Mom” is earned, NEVER given! The challenge is meant for those moms who are willing to say good-bye to a life of ease, roll up their sleeves and work!

 On the road to becoming a Successful Business Mom, there are going to be habits, hobbies and relationships you may have to let go of in order to succeed. There are going to be countless challenges. There are going to be good days and bad ones…understand this. Understand you are signing up for what may be the hardest thing you will ever do. There is going to be opposition. There are going to be people and things that try to knock you down and steer you off course. There are going to be many reasons to give up. Understand this and then understand how relentless and tenacious you must be in the face of it all.

 

Relentless-

continuing without pause or interruption, not weakening or losing intensity, continuing firmly or obstinately in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

 

Tenacious-

tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely. Not readily relinquishing a position, principal or course of action; determined, having or showing great effort or energy.

 

Are you relentless and tenacious? Are you intense in your desire, firmly holding your ground? If yes, congratulations, you are ready for the next step. If no, don’t beat yourself up; you’re in good (albeit temporary) company. Many moms have tried and failed so many times in the past that they have resigned themselves to a quality of life far inferior to that for which they were destined. Myself included.

 

My Story

 I have been married ten years to an active duty, United States Marine and as a result, I have moved across the country more than twice and have had to start over every two to three years. I recently welcomed my second son into the world and with his arrival, have figuratively put the cherry on top of our little family.

 

In the early years of my marriage, I worked several jobs. Not one of them was a source of satisfaction nor were they leading me towards a satisfying career. It wasn’t until we decided to have children that I made up a mind to be a Successful Business Mom. When I envisioned myself as a mother, the picture was always of me pursuing a satisfying career from home, utilizing my gifts and talents and being available for my family on my own terms.

 

So, while pregnant with my oldest son, I launched a natural hair social network, a natural hair product line and YouTube channel as my work from home project. It was a lot of hard work and I put a lot of hours into it and I was successful! I was able to earn an income while being present in the home and available for my small family. This success however, was not unmet by challenges. My constant moving caused me to start and stop more times than I cared to and I didn’t always respond to our relocations as well as I would have hoped.

 

Some of the other obstacles I have had to overcome include lacking a support system and depression. I wish I could say I have always prevailed over these challenges but the truth is, at times the hardships have proved to be too much and I have faced temporary moments of failure. With each failure I have struggled with whether or not I was capable of being a Successful Business Mom. There have been times over the course of this journey where I have in fact thrown in the towel and had given myself over the idea that I couldn’t actually have, be and do what I truly desired.

 

That is precisely where I found myself just a few short months ago. I had made up my mind that there was no way for me to be successful with my present circumstances and had decided that I was just going to have to suffer this prison for five more years until my new baby turned five and my husband retired. Then I would be able to actually live. Then I would be in the position to have what I wanted.  & So like so many times before, I dove head first into being the best stay at home mom I could be. I laid aside my desire for a satisfying career and was ready to do my time and just dream about the future.

 

It didn’t work. I was so miserable I couldn’t stand it.!

It was during this time that I accepted that I would only be happy and satisfied if I found a way to succeed in the realm of managing my home and rearing my children, while also succeeding in the area of personal development and accomplishment and coined the term Successful Business Mom.

So everything you see happening now, is a result me FINALLY determining I WILL be a SUCCESSFUL, BUSINESS, MOM!!

What about you? What are you working towards?

 

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DEAR JEB BUSH, BEN CARSON, Carly Fiorina,  ETC... ALL the political experts are saying ‪#‎donaldtrump‬ may be popular NOW, BUT  that popularity  bubble is inevitably going to burst!  They are ALL predicting that @donaldjtrump will NOT be the Republican Presidential candidate. 

SO,

to win the Republican nomination for President

USE

what we have learned (about Americans who consider themselves to be Republican),

from watching the "Donald Trump Show!"

Apparently

the majority of Republicans today want to see a candidate who will stand up for them AND the future of THIS country.

Since Trump is NOT going to be it...YOU Be THAT guy or gal.

Stop speaking in "politician" and start speaking Trump!

But be sincere!  & Have integrity!

Demonstrate THAT by not taking donations from persons who want a favor for their financial support of you.

Do grass roots fundraising... 

I don't know. ..You figure the rest out.

This is just my two little scents...

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TAKE THE "ACTIVATE NATURAL SUNSHINE" CHALLENGE!

Welcome again, to NaturalSunshine.ning.com. I am so glad you joined. Now that you are a member I hope you begin to comment on the content that is here and also upload your own blogs and pictures as well.

You might find my Welcome Blog | Welcome to NaturalSunshine.ning.com helpful as you begin to participate as a member of NaturalSunshine.ning.com.  In the blog, I discuss what I hope to accomplish here on this website.

Welcome to NaturalSunshine.ning.com | The Bottom Line!

As founder and excited member of NaturalSunshine.ning.com, I look forward to creating a community in which like-minded people can connect on topics such as #naturalhair, #naturalhairregimen, #trendyfashionlooks, #lifestyle, #homedecor, #fitness, #currentblacknews, #skincare, #fashionhaul, #FOTD, #OOTD.

Read my Latest #naturalhairproducts blog: Herbal Essences Hello Hydration | Natural Hair Product Review

As a integral requirement for success, I  NEED you to share your perspective and your answers to these common threads in our lives. I challenge you to do the following:

Take the Activate Natural Sunshine Challenge!

1.Get active uploading your pictures and  commenting on the pictures of other members.

2. Write a blog sharing your #lifestyle choices, in #naturalhairproducts and/or the brand of cosmetics you go- to for your #FOTD or OOTD.

Are you up for the challenge?If you have any questions at all, please message me. I am happy to help you!

~Hope to see your content soon!

Sunshine

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Natural Hair Problems | Open Splits

HELP
As you can see above, it shows my hair at different grow points when I would apply heat for a straightened look. 2011-2012-2013-2014-2015. If you notice around 2013 to 2015 my hair is basically the same length. No I didn't cut it besides the occasional trimming. So, this is why I need help. Recently upon examine my hair I came across strands that had splits in the middle of the strand. I didn't know what that was or why it was like that. After researching the trusted YouTube I found out that it is something called OPEN SPLITS OR INCOMPLETE SPLITS. Now I'm on the search to find some information about correcting them without having to cut my hair off. In the meantime since I haven't found any help just yet besides trying Split Remedy by Tresemme' I will be making appointments with my old beautician, who is now a naturalist and by the way went natural about 1 1/2 after me and her hair is down her back.So, if you have heard of open splits, suffered with them or have any suggestions about them please feel free to help a fellow natural sister out.Thanks a Bunch, YouNiqueCurls. As Always, Stay Blessed
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